


I Want

by PurgatoryPalace



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Relationship(s), Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-26 19:46:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5017975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurgatoryPalace/pseuds/PurgatoryPalace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I can feel his eyes along my back as I turn away; ripping apart muscle and flesh, blood pooling at my feet I can hear his pulse quicken.<br/>And when I turn around to face my Young Master with red coating my palms and cheeks he stares at me with horrendous wonder in his eyes, eyepatch gripped in his small fist. My old heart flutters in my chest and it sickens me.</p><p>-Practice with first person pov.-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I Want_

 

I want to devour him. Consume him in body and mind and be able to feel his hair along my collarbones as I carry him in my arms. I want to watch his porcelain eyes close and breathe his scent in- I want his soul. I want to feel his warmth against my cool flesh down to the marrow of my old bones. I want to carve a brand of my own into his soul so others' will know what is mine. He belongs to me.

He is mine, and I crave for his soul to surround me and lap at my pale skin.

I want to belong to him. When he orders me to kill I can feel the Faustian mark on the back of my hand tingle when the command is given, when I look into his eyes his right glows with my brand and I grin. I can feel his eyes along my back as I turn away; ripping apart muscle and flesh, blood pooling at my feet I can hear his pulse quicken.

And when I turn around to face my Young Master with red coating my palms and cheeks he stares at me with horrendous wonder in his eyes, eyepatch gripped in his small fist. My old heart flutters in my chest and it sickens me.

A demon cannot feel love.

\--

Ashes to ashes we stand watch as the old cult member’s home burns to the ground, flames licking bright oranges and reds at the window panes. I do not hear the children inside screaming and I find myself to be immensely disappointed, my Young Master standing beside me. The body of the boy whom they called Doll lies beside my feet; my Master silent when I bend my limbs underneath his knees and below his shoulder blades, lifting him into my arms. His skin is soft.

I am surprised when he rests his head against my chest and clutches at the lapels of my tailcoat, burying his face into the crook of my neck he begins to shake lightly and just as I think that he is crying a chuckle meets my ears and I sigh.

He is perfect, his soul and mind, absolutely faultless. I lean my body over him so the wind will not cause him to shiver as I begin to run back to the manor. Softly, which I only seem to do when it is him, I tell him that he is alright and that it is okay to rest. He gave no other reply other then a grunt and I chuckle lowly in my throat.

Hopefully he falls asleep before we arrive at the manor so I can have Baldroy or Finnian carry him upstairs to his bed, this would allow for me to clean up the bodies and any other mess the three servants have caused without my Young Master seeing anything. The estate is most likely in chaos but it calms me some knowing that Tanaka is there, hopefully the manor doesn’t look as awful as I would expect.

My mind is pulled from my thoughts when my Master’s breath caresses my throat and I almost shiver. Something aches deep inside of the pit of my stomach but I ignore it, because I will not ruin my appetite for the meal that lies in wait for me.

When the Young Lord’s body goes lax in my arms I swiftly pull his coat around him tighter and run faster over the earth, wind whipping my hair and eyes glowing vermilion.

\--

When my Master eyes the island with something close to curiosity rather than fear my chest constricts and something prods in the back of my mind. Ignoring it I step in front of him and lower myself onto the ground, a knee planted firmly in the hard soil.

He finally looks at me with lowered lids, hands relaxed loosely at his sides he takes a small breath before smirking down at me.

“Sebastian,” he intones quietly and I place my hand on my chest.

“Young Master?”

“Will it hurt?” he questions with a flat voice and I chuckle.

“Quite so, but I shall attempt to make this as painless as possible, my Young Lord.” He scoffs at me and I look up, my eyes flaring their natural color.

“No. Etch the pain into me, I don’t want any games from you now. I want to feel it. I deserve such torture.” The young child has surprised me yet again, and he will never cease to amaze and amuse me. Not even in death.

“As you wish My Lord.” I mutter before standing up to my full height. The air around us chills and I see the boy shiver, my mouth waters for but a moment before I look into his eyes.

He steps back and sits on the stone bench, his head resting along the spine of the seat and when I step forward while peeling off my gloves with my teeth; I see it. I shed off Sebastian Michaelis and become what I truly am. A demon. A devil in disguise. Swiping off the pesky material of the boy’s eyepatch I let my fingers linger along the contours of his face, breathing in his scent my eyes flutter closed for all but a moment. My teeth sharpen and my pupils form into slits as I lean forward, the child’s eyes close and the thing that has formed in the back of my mind snaps, pulls tight. I can’t do this.

I freeze in place, my teeth retracting, eyes no longer glowing and my nails no longer talons I sit backwards slightly before dropping down onto one knee.

I do not want to see the light leave his eyes. I can’t even fathom hearing him scream, whether it be from his vocal chords or his soul I do not want to bear the silence that will inevitably come afterwards.

I will not bear it without my Master. And so when I let my hand drop from his face, and he opens his eyes and furrows his brow, I look at the ground. But not in shame.

“What’s the matter?” he asks me and I cannot stop myself from smiling.

“I will not be feasting tonight.” The young boy looks at me, shock apparent in his eyes before he schools his features into something reserved and calculating.

“What about our contract? How dare you try to defile what has bound us. I order you to swallow my soul in the most vicious and grueling way possible!” The child’s cheeks are a dusty shade of red, his anger showing in his eyes and the way he holds himself.

I allow myself to smile, my teeth becoming as sharp as his tongue. “You no longer have power over me child, our contract is no longer binding.” The boy looks at me, his mouth agape.

“W-What do you mean?” his voice is soft yet demanding and something twinges in my stomach, a fire starting deep in my bones.

“Our contract is void my dear boy. You are no longer my Young Master. However….”

The boy’s eyes narrow with rage blazing through them, his mouth curls up into a snarl and his hands clench by his sides on the stone. “What, what is it spit it out already Demon.”

A shiver runs through me and I chuckle deep in my chest, my voice lower and more grating then that of the fateful butler facade I put on. “There is something I would like to ask of you…. I wish to make a contract.”

The boy straightens in his seat, his small form shaking from anger or fear I cannot tell. “Why? What are your terms?”

I beam at him. “Let us negotiate them.”

 

**-Fin-**


	2. It's Difficult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to say no. I want to tell him that when he’s near my chest aches and my ribs break apart and burst out of my skin with the force from my pounding heart.

Chapter 2, It’s Difficult

I watch him when he pours my tea, long elegant fingers wrapped around porcelain I try not to stare too long so he doesn’t see. I accept my earl grey graciously and take a sip, he stands beside me with a hand over his heart and awaits for a demand, an order, something to know that he is either dismissed or I don’t need him at the moment.

I am quiet this morning, I give no command, I don’t tell him to leave me be so he stands there for a few moments before asking me, “is everything alright My Lord?”

I want to say no. I want to tell him that when he’s near my chest aches and my ribs break apart and burst out of my skin with the force from my pounding heart.

I want to tell him I need him.

I want him to hear those words come out of my mouth but all I do is nod my head at Sebastian and frown.

I cannot tell him, for a relationship like ours would surely be frowned upon. Granted he is a demon and thus most likely to have no morals but….

I don’t even know if he loves me in return. Surely he must know how I feel, what my fleeting glances and touches mean.

I don’t want him to bathe me, I don’t want him to dress me for he will surely know. Though there’s a possibility he already does.

I want to devour him- I want to consume him and never let him go. For he is mine and mine alone.

 

I often ponder in the gloomy setting of twilight what it would be like to feel his lips upon mine. To feel his cool inhuman flesh pressed against mine not in a sexual way, just in an intimate way.

I want his tongue to lap at my lips, silently asking for more and because he has been such a faithful butler, faithful demon, I would comply. I wonder if he would taste of his home. Would he taste icy and cold, a distinct taste of snow? Or would he taste of smoke, fire burning in his lungs and igniting the match in my soul?

I hope for the former, because I do not want to be reminded of my parent’s deaths, but then again Sebastian’s taste would be able to take away the horrible memory and what came with it. At least for a little while.

Frankly I am completely indifferent, because either way I would lap at his skin.

Lap at his lips and press mine against his own.

I long for the days when I didn’t feel like this, although I cannot remember the days before without having this build up inside of me. I cannot describe it any other way other than saying it is love. Words escape me when I try to describe what I feel for Sebastian, my butler. My demon.

The words are far beyond my reach and even farther away from the simple phrase _I love you_. But I cannot say it to him, for demons do not feel trivial silly emotions such as humans do.

“Young Master?” His voice startles me out of my thoughts and a faint pink dusts my cheeks. Sebastian smirks at me and sets the tray of biscuits atop my desk.

“You’ve been distracted lately My Lord, is something the matter?” For a moment, I think about telling him, parting my lips and boldly stating those three simple words I love you and I wonder what he would say. What he would do and what he would look like while doing all of this. But I can only guess, only hope.

All I can imagine is him smirking, bowing slightly before rumbling _“The same pertains to you, My Lord”_ and my heart would stop in my chest and the breath would rush out of me. And I would be floating. _I love you I love you_ -

“I love you.”

Time stops and my jaw falls open and I can almost hear the ‘thunk’ it makes as it hits the floor.

Because I am not the one who voices it. The island is silent almost as if in agreement as this demon leans over me, eyes glowing in the darkness and teeth as sharp as needles. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He was supposed to finish the contract and consume my soul and my existence would be over and done with all at the hands of him. I almost feel a small sense of betrayal but I push that thought away immediately.

He looks as shocked as I feel, like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud, his eyes wide and lips slightly parted so I can see a glimpse of his fangs.

“I-,” I choke on my tongue and I can’t find the right words to make him understand. My eyes wide as porcelain plates I clench my hand into a fist and clear my throat.

“I need you,” I tell him. But that still doesn't feel quite right and I want to tell him that I love him. I need him to understand how much I need him in my life, till death do us part.

I cannot finish, for emotions are weakness and heartache and pain. Because the ones you love will only leave you in the end. But Sebastian seems to understand what I’m trying to say.

For his eyes soften, his mouth widens into a smile, and he devours me in body and soul.

Mine.

 

_-The end-_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it for this short story my loves! If you have any questions or concerns feel free to comment and give kudos if you like! I apologize for how short it is but I really like how it turned out, I also apologize for how long it's been but I do have a valid excuse! School has been rather draining as of late and has taken up a lot of my time.   
> But please, pretty please leave a comment and I shall see you next time friends! ^_^

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed friends, leave a comment or kudo please!  
> If you happen to find any spelling errors let me know!


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